Red Out
by Iconic Star Child
Summary: Ellie is going through physical and emotional abuse. It cuts everyone to the core when one student goes missing.
1. Chapter 1

Alex and Jay would always say something mean. It's like meanness was inherited. Programmed into their system. They'd make fun of her together along with Sean and their agonizing Crew: A bunch of thugs.

"The candy machine is free..."

J.T. laughed. "I guess, they're going to rob out the school. Remember that PA system that was missing last week...?" Of course, Jay and his Crew probably took it right out of media immersion. She glared at him and held back anger at Sean. She had to take a deep breath or she'd walk straight to Raditch.

Ellie chatted with Alex. Some small talk. Emma caught her flinch and saw a bruise. Was it caused by Sean...?

The day, she cornered her. "Did Sean cause that swell...?"

Ellie tried to sound emotionless. "No Nature Freak, my. Boyfriend. Did not cause it."

"I know what abuse is and if you don't tell someone, I will!"

The red head backed out of the door and said, "Tell and I'll LIE!"

"Come on Ellie, this isn't funny and you need to tell someone...!?"

Ever since, she had been keeping an eye on her and if things got out of control. Ellie snuck a glance at her. She looked down at her wrist and quickly pulled it down.

Sean came home very very drunk. "I warned you to stay away from Craig!" He grabbed her and pushed her onto the couch. Ellie felt a sting on her cheek. He was screaming and throwing punches at her. Ellie made a mistake by cheating on him. She didn't know about his history with his first girlfriend. No one knew. Not even Emma what happened to Celia.

Her name was Celia Young and she was 16, a little older. Their families were both drunks and poor. They lived in the trailers next to each other and were great friends before getting together. At first, Sean was okay. He didn't show signs of abuse. But, then, he got into all kinds of trouble and one night, his dad beat him. He took too much of the alcohol cause he lost another job. Sean was acting like Tracker. And his mom didn't care. His dad just really took it hard. Sean was beaten for it. Then, he beat her.

Tracker became better when they moved to Degrassi. He got off the drugs. But, Sean stayed the same: Hanging out with Jay. Doing drugs. Dealing drugs. And stealing.

He met Emma and for a while, things were good. Until he did something he'd regret.

Dumping her was what caused him to be abusive. Dumping her was the problem. She made his life better and Ellie made it worse. Along with Jay, Alex, and the rest of the Montreal. Everywhere they went, they carried bad vermin.

They brought the mood everywhere they went.

And they brought the bad out of him.

Ellie slashed so hard on her wrist. It was the worst cut she had. She also took a crack at drugs. Her first sniff of Cocaine. Violent and abusive. That was her boyfriend. Not the sweet boy from her past.

She just can't find the energy to care anymore.

So, she brought the knife down over and over in an arching motion.

She was losing it.

Sean can't seem to care for her crying. Her pain. He can still hear her in their room. She must be using cutting to get to him. Should have never went to Craig. Jealous bitch!

Emma was going to Raditch no matter. Ellie was being used as a rag dog by Sean and she needed to take a next course of action. She wouldn't humiliate Ellie but can't stand by and let it happen.

"You have to be a selfish little bitch, don't you," he grabbed her hair. She screamed as pain shot up her back. He had kicked her ribs. She crawled backward to get away from him but he had her trapped between the wall and him.

"I don't know why I put up with you and your stupid problems! You are nothing but a waste of my time!"

Those words really caused her great pain on the inside as she felt her eyes well.

"Ellie, you deserve to die..."


	2. Chapter 2

"Sean, what you really need is help."

"Talk to someone," she rubbed his back. He came to her when he was feeling stressed and at times like this, when he needed a smoke, he was stressed.

It had taken him a week to come to the conclusion that he needed her help. She was really the only one he needed. And he'd just mess things up even more if he went to Ellie. She always found a new invention to piss him off. By drudging up the past. Craig. His bad habits. She was more like a depressed Emma than Emma being a more better version of her.

So, he came to her and she was glad so she didn't have to start the fireworks. Which it would surely cause by telling Raditch.

"Jay wasn't good for me Em. He changed me in ways that you can't be proud of. And I want you to be proud of me. Are you- are you, proud of me...?" He was shaking as he waited for her response. She took time before she gave him the answer. "Go get help, Sean," she repeated.

He nodded sadly and looked down the floor. "I'm going to Wasaga to get treatment. Ellie's just so caught up in all of her problems that she didn't have time to be there anymore."

"She cheated on you so you have every right to be mad. But, that didn't give you the right to hit her either."

"Like I said, you need help and when you do, we can talk about the future."

"I made a girl move away, Emma! I put her in a coma...!"

Thinking about Celia shook him up. They had been in love. Sure, she was older by 2 yrs. not very far but their love was real until he screwed it.

And so, he felt better about leaving and he was going to break up with Ellie. Get his life together.

"You're ruining me and I'm ruining you. I think it's the best if we split."

She got the courage to stand up and look him in the eyes. "It is for the best. And I don't ever want to see you AGAIN!"

He was on his way to Wasaga. 'Well, Sean Cameron, you're on your own...'

'I hope mom is receptive...'


	3. Chapter 3

Ellie threw all of her knives out. She didn't need them anymore after Sean.

He was the only one causing her to use them.

She also threw all of his things. She wouldn't need them either.

She sat on the toilet and wiped her eyes. She had been crying all night.

Before, he cared about her, making her stop cutting. They were honest to each other and had something she thought was going to last. She watched him and the Tree Hugger occasionally. When they thought she wasn't watching.

Then, he changed. She saw a darker side. Something that frightened her. He was always coming home to her drunk and hung out with Jay more and more. She wouldn't change for him.

Just because she hung out with his friends.

Jay could be cool and Alex was even friendly.

But at times, she would sense that they're pulling him away from her.

And when he started to beat her...?

_She walked home in the rain, drenched from head to toe after her falling out with Sean and the subsequent fire from their fight. She told him she was moving back to her mom's and he lost it. He grabbed her wrist and shook it. She yanked it back, hurt. _

How many times did she have to blame herself...?

She hardly even existed under him.

She was only glad she didn't wind up in the hospital.

When, he kissed her, it was rough and humiliating like he was marking her.

Jay closed the Van behind them and they made out all the way to the bed.

He attached the bracelet onto her wrist.

"What, are these hand made by the one and 'only' Jay...?"

"A hundred percent guaranteed to please..." He smirked and felt under her skirt, pulling it off with ease.


	4. Chapter 4

Emma needed to prove that she moved on from Sean. So, she did the quickest thing she could think of. Kiss Jay. A surprised Jay had to catch himself against the wall. And catch her...

"Wait, what are you doing?"

She pushed him into an empty classroom, their bodies grinding together and lips attacking lips.

"Shut up..."

The sex was definitely what he wasn't expecting. He thought she just wanted a bracelet, but she proved to be more than Amy.

He was shocked.

Emma vomited in the toilet, the cum and drink he offered coming out in rapid pace. She sucked his dick and went second base.

She was shocked.

Jay met up with Emma at her locker. "So, tell me, what are you on...? This is me and you..."

"Look, everyone treated me like I belong in a straight jacket!" "And you used me to move on...?"

"I'm sorry, but that's all it was."

"Ever since Seany boy left, I've been distant. There's just something horrible around us!"

"And no one even cares that I'm sleeping with you. Or Ellie cutting!"

"You have become even more messed up than me."

"I'm more messed up than anyone and Ellie should be the one going to a therapist."

He stared at her and realized she was high. "Are you stupid or should I shake some sense into you!"

"Look you need to crash somewhere and I don't think going home like this will cut it to your dad."

"Can you lend me a place...," she began to flirt. He quickly put on a stern face. "We are not going back there..."

When he showed up at his trailer, she stared at the roughness of the place. "Don't stare too long. The neighbors won't like it." He opened the door for her.

"It's nice." She snooped around, playing with his baseball trophies. "You played baseball when you were younger...?" She was surprised he actually looked happy and not wearing the dark Goth clothes.

"Things change, Greenpeace. I wasn't always the punk you painted me as aka what you see is what you get."


	5. Chapter 5

_"Greenpeace, you are about to lose your innocence. Every part of you that makes you you. Are you sure you want to do this...?" _

_She nodded and he pushed inside of her at a fast pace. She screamed and buckled with her legs quivering. "God, you are tight!" _

_They fucked and she lost her virginity. Jay took it away. _

Not Sean. He didn't even get to first base.

It was her own enemy that had done it to her.

Manny was already on third base. First with Craig. Then, with Spinner.

She moved her neck aside for better access as he pricked her skin with his teeth.

They did it while her parents are in bed.

Emma smoked a joint with him. She had begged and begged until he pulled it out.

"I don't want to get you too high to the point of passing out. Or your stepdad will come over and kill me. This is illegal Ems. You could get me in big trouble."

She didn't care. She just wanted pot. It helped her relax a bit until reality hit her in the face.

She felt she owed Rick one.

No one deserved to waste their body more than her.


	6. Chapter 6

The high filled her lungs. Such a rush.

Jay rolled along with her as they joined in the laughter amongst dozens of others.

The Ravine people.

Party goers.

Eccentrics.

"She wanted to get down and dirty," he shrugged. "And I wouldn't be a gentleman if I didn't help her have fun..."

"You mean drug her up. Get her all worked for a night's 'mood? Yeah. I can definitely see she's gone." She glowered at him and dragged her best friend away from the 'fun.'

"Hey, what's the big idea!?"

"Crap, Manny, chill the fuck out!"

"Since, when did you switch roles!?"

"Since, I wised up and realized I was fucking up. And you should be too!"

They were at home after that scene. Emma finally got up and left on her own, the little environmentalist in her still left. Mainly cause she was so mad that it knocked out her buzz.

"Why are you doing this...?"

She would never understand it if she explained. She had kept the guilt in and the anger out. It all caused her downfall.

Into drugs.

That's where she went.

She enjoyed the ride.

I look at my best friend, sitting dazed on the bed with eyes of a stoner, gazing drowsily. She took a lot, I'm guessing and is completely out of reach.

She isn't stable anymore. There is something wrong.

She needs help, but how will is she...?

The girl willed herself to not vomit. Or the need to wake up from a serial migraine after the night's activities.

She ran into the bathroom.

Manny could hear her puking and choking.

Sad cries from her throat and she was helpless. Stuck. Bobulated.

Emma took a cold shower with bucket of ice. She was tinkered. I have no idea what to do.

What blinded her to this level...? Was my best friend intoxicated as well...?

She wasn't exactly sure what she walked in on.

The drug caused pain and pain was good. At least, she could feel something when she felt nothing amongst her new friends.

All she got was someone taking advantage of her for sex and a bracelet for exchange. She felt like a prostitute.

Were girls selling their bodies...?

Or was she made for this now...?

I gave up because they can't help her anymore. She's too far gone for them to even realize how gone she is. She is no longer Miss Sunshine on my day but a dark cloud to parade my day. A girl like her...? Is virtuous.


	7. Chapter 7

She was finally ready to jump. Ellie Nash said goodbye to life.

And let go of the rope.

There. That's where she was found. By cops and they can't identify the body. The missing girl on the add was long forgotten.

Mrs. Nash was mourning. After they discovered she was missing, they put the signs up but then, took them back down. They thought she was dead in a ditch.

They even blamed Sean, not knowing how true they were. He was part of the reason for her suicide. The abuse and no one noticing wore her out.

Emma, the blond girl came by everyday. She stayed so much that she became like family.

She didn't want company.

She didn't want empathy.

She just wanted Ellie back.

The Coc was getting to her. This is her second shot of Coc and she felt it all coming out of her system in one BIG gallop.

She got worse instead of better. After hearing of her new friend's death, she wanted to overdose as a way of killing herself.

Damage her body until the point of no return.

She just wanted to lie down and die.

Alone with no one to find her.

Like Ellie.


	8. Chapter 8

_"Do you have the bag...?" _

_Jay knew what bag she was talking about and held it out for here. "Here, if you want to kill yourself, be my guest." He was literally testing her to see if she'd actually do it. He had seen her high but that was one time. This is the 'BIG' stuff. _

_"You think a few pot will do the trick...? Try this and you'll be high for life." _

He was right. I wanted it. Manny can't change my mind. If she can turn back time, then, she could change my mind.

I think I am poison; bad for everyone around me. Why can't they all see that and leave me be...? Let me fall. Don't attempt to make me feel better.

I just want to do this alone. Without help.

Emma Nelson, Crusader is gone. Emma the Druggie is here to stay.

Walking in a straight line was hard. I can't even see the door or the hand trying to wave in front of my face. "Move Nature Freak!" Alex. I knew she was going to bitch me out today and I'm just not in the mood.

Why can't I remember who I'm with every night...? Alex's ex. My enemy. My bully. My tormenter. My sexual Ravine guy.

I guess she found out about Amy but not me. At least, I hope so or we'd have another hallway battle with me decking her like a bad girl that I am. Jay called it H.O.T.T. She was his girlfriend. Not me. So, why is he defending me...?

I mean half of the time, he's mean to me but now, he's kind of cool to have around. Like some sort of stray dog or something.

The first time she had sex with him had been quick and panicked. Finished just as quickly as both were under a spell. They put on their clothes in a fast pace, out of desperation, she had sex with him.

She found out about Amy. I'm glad she didn't find out about me.

I punched her where it hurts: Her boyfriend.

Alex's loss though. He wanted 'me.' He picked 'me.'


	9. Chapter 9

"You know Greenpeace, Alex was once pregnant."

_"Your dick embedded in me and I got pregnant," she said very slowly as if talking to a small child in trouble for stealing a candy bar. Jay and his girlfriend were in Montreal at the time, sitting on the porch swing, swinging back and forth with Alex kicking her feet. _

_Jason hated these kind of situation. He wasn't one to handle things very well and when stressed, always wanted a smoke. He needed pot and went to Towerz to get it. Alex shoved him out the door for a while. She went through 2 miscarriages with him already and had a son and a daughter, Ryan and Bella. _

_She didn't need to lose another kid because of him. Her first 2 had been given to her Aunt Martha because of Jay's drug abuse. She tried telling him he has to quit his habit to be with her. _

_But all of his words. All of her temper meant nothing. _

Emma waited with Jay for the timer. Soon, it would reveal if she was pregnant or not. And if she is, she wouldn't know what to do with herself.

She was cleared of the STD but she can't be cleared of this.

"Shit, it's positive!" She looked at him with uncertainty so he took the stick for her and pointed at the definite lines. "Two means positive. Face it, you're pregnant."

"What happened to the tin foil," she glared at him.

So much for not being like her own mother, getting pregnant at 14.


	10. Chapter 10

"What to do now, Greenpeace...?"

I have no idea how this guy analyze everything.

"I'm not sure. But, I do know now that Snake will kill you. And 'me."

"Does he have a shotgun," he joked. I hit his chest. "No Sherlock, this is serious. I am 14 and you're waaay over the age limit."

"He'll think it's statutory rape or something."

"We have to convince him it's not."

I'm smart. I can work it out with Snake. Make him believe that me and Jay are honest. We can do it. We can raise a baby!

I've had practice with Jack and Jay can get a job. We won't be going on the street, homeless.

How is she so calm!? I'm not. For one, we are 2 teenagers without a clue on how to raise a baby. For two, we are two teenagers without a clue how to raise a baby! She is supposed to be like me: Freaking!

"Why are you so happy about this!?"

I knew smoking wasn't healthy for being pregnant so I got rid of the Nicotine buzz.

And the drugs. I told Jay I was done and strongly suggested he stop. But, I wasn't going to push him out right off the bat. It's his kid and our responsibility.

We need to work around the clock. They were yelling and everyone was crying. Joey sent Jay home and I was mad.

How dare he send the father of my kid home...!? He was my support!

"Stop it Joey! He's the father and shouldn't he be here...?"

Spike refused to talk to me. I know she was ashamed. She didn't have to hide it behind tears of sympathy.

I cannot believe my step- daughter did this with a guy that had no business doing this to her. To say, I am disappointed is a hit out of the park!

"Emma, this isn't you. So, tell me, what went wrong...?"

I didn't want to talk. Talking cause headaches and headaches caused 'urges.'

"I have a drug problem."


	11. Chapter 11

I watched my parents clean out everything from my bag. It was a hobo bag. There was weed, Coc, a small bottle of Acid, and Myth.

They lectured me on the dangers of drugs. But, I coexisted. I didn't even exist at all.

I was still stuck somewhere between.

I told them about Ellie and they were still mad that 'I tarnished my body.'

How stupid that they're grounding me. 'It wasn't a big deal.' I earned a smack from my mom who told me to go to my room.

And think what I just did. I talked back to my parents.

It was shocking to them how changed I am.

But it wasn't shocking to me.

It was freedom.

It was toxic freedom.

Just the way I wanted my body to be.

"You know, Albert is only a few miles away: A long time Coc Inhabitnationlist.

"Don't you see the problem? 'Us..., we're being too lenient."

I hated them now. They're making me move away to go to a professional drug advisor.

I'm not a psycho.

I only tried drugs and got kicked for it.

That's how I flipped them off in the backseat of my ride.

A black tainted Desoto.

We're almost at the stupid place.

Look how it's all dark. Psychos lived here.

I'm not. I am just fine. They didn't have to do this.

But they didn't care about me. Instead, they were merry to get rid of me.

I'll never understand it.


	12. Chapter 12

"I'm Emma Nelson and I'm here to see Dr. Obrien."

The nurse pulled out her gum and popped it again. Loudly. And rudely.

"Look, I'm waiting for another patient."

"I don't have time for hormonal teenagers who can't keep their legs closed."

Um, excuse me Miss, but I have an appointment!"

Jay glared at her and pulled the gum right out. "Let us see our Doctor!"

Big. Bitch! She wouldn't let us through for two hours, said some bull crap, and shoved us out the door! Not showed us.

I was glad to leave that place of abortion. I know Jay did too. This is a clinic for teen miscarriages. Not an actual hospital.

So essentially, we had to skip 2 hospitals and winded up in Toronto General.

This is getting harder and harder.

I promised myself I wouldn't cry in front of her. But, I'm crying hard. We're out of options.

I wanted to comfort him. How did I even comfort myself? Without my parents' support, we are goners.

It's likely we divorce in the future. Jay bought us a trailer. How nice huh...?

"It's a freakin' box," I said. "Yeah well Green." "This is all we have."

I didn't feel like snooping around here so he gave me some cash and told me to buy an Ice Cream.

He is actually being sweet for once.

Well, a lot of the times, to me that is.

No one else will see it.

It's a rarity made for Emma Nelson.


	13. Chapter 13

I had to bust her out of that place. I know what it's like to be trapped in a drug rehab. It wasn't fun and took a lot of effort from 4 or 5 different rehab doctors just to inject needles in you to put you to sleep.

It was boring with nothing but an old gray wall and stern hospital medicine smells.

The people were all reformers and they grew tiring.

It was horrible. The place. The smell. Just everything about the place. They gave you hospital food and you felt mentally ill with all the needles poking and prodding you. You never got freedom but a small cot they laid out.

I was stuck with the Coc addicts. They were teens all over Canada and some from the U.S.

I hated it when they came for me.

I wasn't their victim and I wasn't going to be. I went through a phase where I just blanked out because of the drug treatments.

They think I'm on narcotics. My parents. They think I'm crazy.

I was a bird stuck in their cage, under watch, 24 hours.

My parents think that I'm going to commit suicide or run away.

They think I will snap.

We were in Montreal. The only thing I can afford is the small trailer by Moberry's Park.

Fun.

Joy.

Peachy.

Jay came home drunk everyday now. I am sick from my medication. I am still taking them even after Hab.

My pregnancy didn't bother me much. I was surprised because of what the hospital gave me.

I was surprised I haven't gone through a miscarriage yet.

She would come to me crying and I haven't got the energy to take it. Boss just told me I was fired. Me and Em got into it last night and boy did we wake the neighbors.

I have to clean up my act around her or she'd leave.

He is greedy. Why can't he keep clean and help me keep clean for our 'child?'

Is that too hard?

Or am I wishing too much?

Suddenly, I wished I was back in that hospital.


	14. Chapter 14

How can anyone live in a trailer out in the middle of no place.

We're in the desert blocked by many miles and miles of construction tractors. No cars. No cops. No sirens. Or streets. Just an empty shell of a desert.

It wasn't music to my ears.

I give her everything and she complains. I take her out and she complains. I give her money for Ice Cream and she shouts at me. I can't live substandard like this. It's like I sub- exist just to exist at all.

She may not realize it but she is hard to please.

Sean walked in a slump to Ellie's apartment with one bag over his shoulder. It was the only thing he chose to bring with him from Wasaga. He needed the reassurance. But, he had no idea the drama it'll cause.

It's been haunting him the way he left it. He left behind people. Friends. His failure.

Mrs. Nash opened the door to him standing in front of her with his head down.

"Mr. Cameron..."

Beer bottles were left everywhere in the living room. Mrs. Nash had started up her drinking again since Ellie passed.

The two cops who found her brought her back in a casket and Mrs. Nash could take no more.

She appeased it by drinking.

It was her only form of escape.

Sean was done crying. He shook from the truth spilling out of lips from Ellie's mother. He was inconsiderate and a bully. An abuser. He took away Mrs. Nash's daughter. His ex. Everyone's friend.

He was a horrible person.

He should cut himself.

"Jay, straighten yourself out or I'm done."

She found him getting lazier and lazier.

Each day, he would chew her out for being the lazy one when he sits on his ass, ignoring her.

He didn't even pay attention to her needs.

"I have a job," she said. He looked at her. Then, back to the T.V.

"You're reverting back to the old Jay. The one I despise!"

"Karma, BITCH!"

She's resorting to throwing things at my head. I can't stand this. I have to go for a drive.

"Have a nice life BITCH..."


	15. Chapter 15

"What did you do Jay...", she whispered solemnly. "I made a girl mad at me and I cheated on her."

"Glad you confessed cause I hate lying crap."

Even worse, he made her feel worse. She'd always been faithful to him. Even after the stupid fights. And what does he do...? Turn around and betray her.

"You went straight to someone's arms after I specifically told you we are through if you mess up one more time."

"I hate that you made me feel worse!"

She was crying and packing all of her belongings. She was through with this. Jay was crushed because he can't change her mind. And she can't forgive him for a simple mistake.

She actually took out the pot. 'I'm committing a sin and I don't care.'

She was working full time as a waitress. Small diner/bar/strip bounce club. Money is cheap but it got her a place to stay.

You have to be careful in Denver. Too many crooks.

Too many unfamiliar faces.

I told Cindy to get away from me. I miss my girl.

"Do you like my hot tub...?" She was fancying me with free gifts. Jacuzzi and all. What a rich bimbo that I care for nothing but to use and to scrub my dick on. "Look Cindy, you're a doll and all but I kind of miss my girl."

I am unmotivated by anything other than the buzzing in my head from this joint.

There is nothing that can make me move from my house. Except for my job.

I am always stressed and I have to be careful with my pregnancy. I'm supposed to be light on my feet.

But Jay isn't here and neither am I.


	16. Chapter 16

I've got to see that I didn't screw up for real. I need to make 'her' see too.

We belong together. You see, when we are together, we have each others' backs. She makes me good, do something I normally don't do.

It's absurd to see two people that belonged to each other for so long just fight and break up. Happens in movies all the time. But never to Alex Nunez. But, I think me and Jay are over. We fit in the same group, had each others' backs, and knew the ins' and outs' of each other for so long that we're missing something. The big picture is we're breaking up. Slow and sure, it's over.

He made his choice and I made mine.

That's how I found out about his cheating too. Only affirmed my suspicions. We both wanted out. We were tired of running in the same circles, same cliques, it had become a game rather than an act of loyalty. I don't even know if we'll remain friends after the cheating.

The flip side is maybe someone will change him that I can't. I don't have the strengths anymore to change people because of Chad and my mother. I have to take care of me. That is all I know.

I made a promise to myself that I intend to keep. I won't cheat with other girls. I am done breaking hearts and feeling no remorse. I have feelings you see... And they're not always stupidity.

I mess up with good girls. I mess any girl up with my unsaintness. But not to Emma. I need her and she needs me.


	17. Chapter 17

He can't stay away from being Jay Hogart. It's embedded in him. I think he warped me. Into some psychotic insano freak.

I don't know why, but I still want him.

Even though, I should hate him.

Jay's door unlocked and he got out holding his cell to one ear. He was hoping she'd pick up and let him know. Maybe, then, he can see for sure on how to do her right.

I have no one's blame for my Ricky boy's death. No name. No memory. No face. I just have his pictures and the little clothes. I cherish all I have. They're all I have left of him.

No one will tell me who it is. Cops said it was for protection. Out of self- defense and provoked or some shit I don't buy. My little boy died and they can't give me anything. I just wish I know who did it so I can make him feel the same kind of misery I'm feeling.

I left Canada all together. I didn't need to be there to know details of Rick's death. I didn't need to know my own abuser and fear's death. I was sent into anger rehab for therapy, trying to pick up the pieces of my life. My life in tatters and remains.

Now, the scars will always be there. But, I am living again. I guess I will call Paige.

Emma tossed and turned in her bed. Another delusion from her over dosage. She constantly passed out and almost had a miscarriage. The drugs she is taking is dangerous: Crystal Myths.

"Babe, open up the door!" Jay. He's finally with her again. She tiredly opened the door and Jay was shocked and surprised to see her in this state: Eyes with dark circles, pale unclean face, used clothes that hadn't been washed. "What's going on, Em...?"


	18. Chapter 18

I saw all the drugs stacked on her bed. She's got them all: Needles, pills, painkillers, bottles of prescription, pot, Crystal, Alley juice, and Acapulco Gold.

I was mad and knocked them all off. "What, are you trying to kill your baby...!?" I hated her at this point. No, I need to go outside for a smoke and vent before I do something. She won't like it but I'm taking her with me.

In fact, I don't care if she likes it. She 'will' be coming. I won't take no.

"You are a horn dog Jay," I punched his chest. I just kept punching with no direction or time blocking my way but my destination right in front of me to my vicious attacks. He is going to cause me to overdose again. I need to get him to give up, knowing that he can't save me from this. I am dirty and filth and I'll taint his milky white carpet he's living on, why can't he see that?

"Let me go," I said out of breath from my attacks. I didn't do a thing to his body with me being weak.

That's when I started going through withdrawal. "I swore I was done. I was going to throw them away before you even came."

"Just let me get you help since I can only hold you temporarily cause it's obvious you are fighting. You are showing signs of an addict."

She stopped punching me and just dropped to the ground. She was sobbing and not seeing straight. Some scary stuff that you don't want to see out of anyone.

"Jay, just please!"

I begged him and begged him to release me back to my pathetic life but he wouldn't budge. He wouldn't let me go.

Stonybrookes Rehab Center drew my attention. I was wide awake now and screaming at the top of my voice for him to not put me there. This is where 'special' people went to get help. I'm not one of those people. That's not me! 'She' is not me and I'm not 'her!'

"Jay, hook up with me again," I tried to slither out of this one but he still wouldn't budge at all. I embarrassed myself by stripping nude. He grabbed my hand. "Hey...!"

I pushed her away from me. "Don't okay... Not until you're yourself again and not this incredible high BITCH! I don't want to sleep with you right now so get back to being yourself!"

He didn't want to touch me wasted. He didn't want to touch me good. What am I...?

He huffed. "I don't want to take advantage of you. Not when you're high off you're ass and can't enjoy it. I want to pleasure you but not when it's 'convenient' for you."

"That's because I'm trying to prove myself for you and if I got you like this, you won't forgive me. You get it, Green...?"

He took a deep breath and waited for her response.

She laughed. "Jay, we're never good at hating each other, are we...?"

He smiled. "No. We're not."


	19. Chapter 19

"Don't weasel me."

"I'm not. Just give me the bag!"

"Bag of Coc doesn't come cheap. Pay up."

"100 grand by 2 or you're not getting it!"

Sean went to Tracker and got some cash off of him but didn't say what the money was for. "Here it is Tyler. Give me my stuff cuz' it's payday boyz!"

"Enjoy," Tyler Bishop smiled, the kid he deafened in one ear.

"You got ballz Cameron. Coming to me in public."

"Yeah well, I just want to get high."

"There's a local pub around here. They sell you stuff but you have to work for it."

"I'll do anything." "Fine, do things for them and they'll give you big bags."

He went to the Skier's and there was a massive gang fight. The gang turned around and faced him. Leader looked him up and down and nodded at Tyler. "He's good enough. But, let's see how tough you are kid." They made him double over with punches to the face and back. Kicked him over and over but he still stood. "This kid is good enough. Let him join."

"But never nark on the Skier's Gang."

Jason came up to him. "Hey, I need you to fuck my girlfriend into it. It's a girl initiation. Do it and I'll double pay you."

Sean nodded again and did it with his girlfriend, Nasha. "Here you go my friend... 4 pounds. All here."

"What will happen if I nark...?" The leader leaned in, "We kill you. Got it kid...?"

He gulped but took the money and drugs.

One to pay his brother back.

Towerz didn't question him. He was only there cause Sean asked him to come. To watch his back.

"Bam Bam, you crazy DOG," he smacked his head. "Let's go," Sean said like he just made a business deal.

They went to roll up their share. It gave him a painful nosebleed but he sniffed more down.

Emma also sniffed. She laughed at herself in the mirror. "Fuck, I hate you! You chase everything good away from me! I hate you! I HATE LOOKIN' AT YOU!"


	20. Chapter 20

"Don't weasel me."

"I'm not. Just give me the bag!"

"Bag of Coc doesn't come cheap. Pay up."

"100 grand by 2 or you're not getting it!"

Sean went to Tracker and got some cash off of him but didn't say what the money was for. "Here it is Tyler. Give me my stuff cuz' it's payday boyz!"

"Enjoy," Tyler Bishop smiled, the kid he deafened in one ear.

"You got ballz Cameron. Coming to me in public."

"Yeah well, I just want to get high."

"There's a local pub around here. They sell you stuff but you have to work for it."

"I'll do anything." "Fine, do things for them and they'll give you big bags."

He went to the Skier's and there was a massive gang fight. The gang turned around and faced him. Leader looked him up and down and nodded at Tyler. "He's good enough. But, let's see how tough you are kid." They made him double over with punches to the face and back. Kicked him over and over but he still stood. "This kid is good enough. Let him join."

"But never nark on the Skier's Gang."

Jason came up to him. "Hey, I need you to fuck my girlfriend into it. It's a girl initiation. Do it and I'll double pay you."

Sean nodded again and did it with his girlfriend, Nasha. "Here you go my friend... 4 pounds. All here."

"What will happen if I nark...?" The leader leaned in, "We kill you. Got it kid...?"

He gulped but took the money and drugs.

One to pay his brother back.

Towerz didn't question him. He was only there cause Sean asked him to come. To watch it take place.

"Bam Bam, you crazy DOG," he smacked his head. "Let's go," Sean said like he just made a business deal.

They went to roll up their share. It gave him a painful nosebleed but he sniffed more down.

Emma also sniffed. She laughed at herself in the mirror. "Fuck, I hate you! You chase everything good away from me! I hate you! I HATE LOOKIN' AT YOU!"

The high girl blacked out.


End file.
